I feel such a lack of inspiration right now. It is the strangest thing for me to actually be on this site when I have not been previously compelled to go. I have no profound thought and nothing that has inspired me to write. I guess on one hand I am happy that I am not just responding to an intense drive...it makes it feel possible to write when I have nothing moving me. And I never think it possible to write when it's not groaning within me, ready to pour out on the page. Progress, I guess in some sort of way.
So I will try to sum up one consistent thought from recent days...I have felt distant from the Creator. I think it is because I have stopped looking for Him like I did in Alaska. He bled from every site...His creation poured forth on me and I was changed. I am afraid to lose that. I want to go back.
The question is so frustrating: How do I find Him here? In Charlotte? In the mundane? In the routine? He is here as much as He is in Alaska. But it is hard to believe that.
I can still feel the crisp air on the deck of the ship, and the low clouds falling all over the mountains; I can still see the ice floating around and the Eagles spreading their wings as they would glide by us. The whales are beyond my words and the atmosphere stays like a fantasy in my mind. I guess I can ask Him to come to me again in this way....here, in another place, but just as much His.
