I read today that the Spirit essentially GIVES the best gift of the abundant love of the Father to us. What mind-blowing truth: this perfect love is IN us. Paul said it in Romans 5. It drew me in immediately. That enduring, limitless, ever-pursuing, engaging, intentional, completely pure love of God is poured into me by means of the Spirit? My heart is challenged to accept this as I feel the very real resistance inside of me, wanting to believe it, wanting to be internally settled because of it and yet terrified that it is only that "barely keeping my head above water" level of love. I often live instead only catching a quick glimpse of it, just almost grasping it yet not quite able to reach it, not even close at all. I want to fill up and float away on this reality so that no gap, no lack, no missing piece or pounding ache can settle in too quickly since this love takes up all the space inside of me and chases out any dark morsel of emptiness. A love that shuts down that ever-present haunting hum, "You will never have what others all around you have, those who have found true, ongoing, surreal, disney-like happiness." I limp along in line with the other misfits, staring at the beautiful and satisfied who laugh and sing their songs of glee in celebration of their arrival to the American Dream festivities.
But this love has been a different sort of seed planted in my heart. As mercy comes new every morning like rain, showering down, this seed has grown and this love from the Spirit has taken up residence stretching its vines all about and through my interior. This is the love we have been fitted to, like lock and key. Every other form or possibility of love will run dry and even become embittered if it is set as the first, top-tier love. Lesser loves can't hold the weight of our enormous need for supernatural, unfailing, character-changing and perfectly wise affection from God the Father. This is the love the Spirit plants and grows within us. This is the banner I raise high above my life story. "You have sought me and found me, you have rescued me and changed me, you have stayed and kept me, and you have named me and crowned me. You have found my misfit-self and transformed me." This is true love...bubbling up and over and out of me. This is a sacrificial and raise-you-from-the-dead level of love. You won't find that anywhere else.
And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. (Romans 5:5 NLT)
