I can't see anything but darkenss around me. There is little I can say with confidence. His arm has come down upon me and His hand has ripped from me every single thing that would potentially bring security to me. He has wounded me. I am limping, teetering between hopelessness and hope. So I wait. And I try to listen. I attempt to fight lies that feel more powerful than me. I fear that my definition of myself will be determined by circumstances and people who cannot handle my heart of flesh. And in the midst of it all...fear, intense anxiety, twisted thinking, deep sin, feelings of being abandoned...I see a piece of paper in the bottom of a bag I have emptied out:
"I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you." John 14:18
How is it that God came make you so mad and in the next minute be your full satisfaction? To those of you who know me and are around me...I am sorry for not knowing who I am, for not turning to the Lord but instead turning to the craving of a pain-free life and demanding that you all be a part of making it right. Heaven is not here...I am realizing this more and more and I will look with more anticipation for its coming.
3 comments:
You'll be in my prayers. You are loved.
We love you... really.
Signed,
Your untitled friends
Thanks Tara...thanks Hills..your words run to a deep place of need and a dry place needing perspective and hope..you have given it. Thanks.
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