Jane Cassidy...my grandmother. My Hero.

Is heaven too far for a carrier pigeon to soar? He may be too fat, or just not strong enough, but what if I could find one brave and healthy for the trip? A small piece of paper in his beak or rolled tight in the grip of his claws would suffice for me if he could reach her. The wind would be a tough fight and the snow this winter would stall him quite a bit. The truth is, it would be a risk for me to be limited to a few, precious words to write and just a mere hope of it getting there. It seems impossible to condense my heart and yet I’d be so thankful that she could have some simple lines connecting us again. It’s been too long since I saw her or felt the warmth she brought to my heart like no other person ever did. Her smile, her soft skin, her tender, humble heart. She was poor growing up and a trail of deep losses followed her; as a result she was profoundly aware of the more important matters in life. And this is why I was addicted to my grandmother’s presence. All in all, she loved Jesus, and had very few other concerns but that of knowing Him and loving Him.

I wear her watch that doesn’t tick. Maybe I would write this to her. It’s a reminder of who I want to be, to pray for the same humility and to aspire to the Kingdom as she did. I hated losing her. It was so trying to see her in pain. Always amazed, I noticed that her words never crossed into despair, negativity, or frustration. Over the many years she thought so often of the suffering of Jesus and thanked Him every night by her bedside on her knees. Her pain, she knew, could not compare to His sacrifice. And the future glory she awaited made it not worth focusing on what was ultimately so temporal; once she arrived she knew it would all make sense. A day never passed where her gaze was not upward or her heart not expectant for what was to come. This place was never her home.

So what would I write? What would matter to her? What in all the world do I want her to know?

“I miss every single thing about you being here. It’s not too long before I am with you again. I know you prayed on your knees even when it hurt. So know this, I daily swim in His mercy and thrive because of His grace. I know of no other Savior. I saw Him in you and found Him to be so real. Will you wait for me? Is Jesus near you? Tell Aunt Eleanor I cried for her last week. This separation is hard, but prompts that longing to reunite and to ache for what is eternal.

Please both greet me soon.”